Dear John: You Left Us Much Too Soon

My 21- year old son, John, died February 2, 2013 in an auto accident. After 100 days, that fact has now become more of a constant, sometimes manageable ache, rather than an open, bleeding wound. Those of us who called John our son, brother, grandchild, nephew, cousin or close friend are learning how to live without him, each in our own way and at our own pace. For me, it has been an emotional roller coaster, beginning with despair beyond description. Only through the love and support of family and friends was I able to function at all during those dark days immediately following the accident. Since then, I have run the gamut of feelings, from re-discovering the power of prayer, to questioning my faith; from realizing the value of true friends to wanting to withdraw from society completely; and from becoming more appreciative of the blessings I still have, to wishing I'd never been born. I'm told this is normal and will eventually run its course and end in acceptance.  We'll see. 

What I do know is I will never not miss the John that was, and the man he was becoming. Not after 100 days, 100 weeks, 100 months or whatever time I have left in this life.

 

West Texan Father's Advice

I was given this collection by an office collegue.  I generally agree with the list, but beg to differ with the second item - some skunks are quite amiable.

• Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
• Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
• A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
• Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
• Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
• Forgive your enemies.  It messes with their heads.
• Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
• It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
• You cannot unsay a cruel word.
• Every path has a few puddles.
• When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
• The best sermons are lived, not preached.
• Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.
• Don't judge folks by their relatives.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life.  Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
• Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is quit diggin'.
• Sometimes you get, sometimes you get got.
• The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Live simply.  Love generously. Care deeply.  Speak kindly.  Leave the rest to God.

and my original contribution,

• Every now and then, help someone anonymously jes' for yourself.

My Favorite Season

Fall has always been my favorite time of year.  Even though it meant summer vacation was over, the coming of Fall brought football and Halloween, and those were fun for me to actively participate in during my younger years, and then to watch as my sons found their own delights in those activities.  Now, the Fall means thankfully less yard maintenance (this year it was more like heat-survival) and post-season baseball (GO RANGERS!).  But I still enjoy Halloween just for the fun of seeing kids out trick-or-treating, some too young to really understand why their parents dressed them in odd costumes and took them to perfect strangers' homes to get candy, and those probably too old to still be doing it, but taking advantage of the opportunity to have some good clean fun and just be a kid for a little while longer.

Sir Ryan of Abileneshire, Knight of the Kid's Table (see photo at right) will be out Halloween night in search of dragons to slay and assorted treats.  I have outfitted him with a shield bearing the company logo of my employer, and plan to take him to the homes of our competitors to demand they fork over the candy or suffer mightly blows from his plastic sword.

Dugout Dad: It's Not Just A Job - It's An Adventure

Somehow I got drafted into being Dugout Dad for Ryan's 5 & 6 year-olds baseball team this season (see photo of future HOF third baseman at right).  Here are a few tips from my experiences for those who are considering this role for the first time:

1.  Know where the bathroom is and the amount of time it takes for your average player to get there and back.
2.  Don't wear flip-flops in a dugout full of kids wearing cleats.
3.  To avoid getting impaled in their hinderparts by a two-inch splinter, advise players against sliding sideways on a wooden bench.
4.  Prohibit gum-chewing which leads to gum-spitting which always leads to gum-sticking to the bottom of your shoe.
5.  Keep chatter positive and to a minimum.  No one likes to hear chants from the dugout about the other team's pitcher's personal habits.
6.  Bats are not light sabers and should be kept in the bat rack until the Jedi/Batter is on deck.
7.  Batting helmets are not one-size-fits-all.  Be sure to reserve the Fat Head helmet for the kid who really needs it.
8.  There is crying in baseball.
9.  High fives should not be given to the player who trips the other team's baserunners.
10.  Catcher's equipment should fit properly so that the player wearing same doesn't look like a damaged Transformer when running out to take the field.

Christmas: Past, Present & Future

I suppose it is natural for someone of my generation (read "almost senior citizen") to reflect upon Christmas as experienced in my past as a child, in present day as an adult, and to imagine future Christmases for my children.

Christmas for me growing up as a typical Baby Boomer was a magical time, filled with the sights, sounds, and tastes of the season.  My parents were careful to mix in a healthy dose of the religious reason for the holiday along with the traditional build-up to Santa's arrival complete with strings of popcorn and aluminum icicles on the Christmas tree and multi-colored C-9 lights stapled to the eaves of our house.  If it snowed in West Texas during this time of year, it made it even more special, since it would, for a short time anyway, make our world look something like Christmas looked like on It's a Wonderful Life and A Charlie Brown Christmas.  We would have a Christmas party and a Christmas program at school, and all the moms (since they normally didn't work outside the home) would come help serve cookies and hot chocolate and listen to our choir sing The Little Drummer Boy and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  My letters to Santa included wishes for G.I. Joes, electric trains and slot-car racers, and my stocking usually included some fruit and candy - things my parents were lucky to get for Christmas growing up during the Dust Bowl and Great Depression years.

Christmas today is a time for short visits to distant, aging parents to let them know we appreciate the memories they created for us and to try to make a few memories for our children as well.  With boys ranging in age from 22 to 5, their wish lists emailed to Santa include video games like Call of Duty: Black Ops, Fatheads, movie DVDs like Toy Story 3 and Lego Star Wars kits.  Schools still throw parties, but the programs and assemblies seem to have disappeared, along with any acknowledgement of the religious beliefs surrounding the holiday, no doubt a result of misguided enforcement of the constitutional amendment requiring separation of church and state.

I hope future Christmases for my children and (hopefully, someday) grandchildren will still be a time for giving and thankfulness, for peace on earth, for expressing love to each other and for fond memories of Christmases past.  Maybe they will call me on their 3-D video phones from their solar-powered cars to wish me a merry Christmas and send a gift certificate good for a grande fruitcake latte from InterStellarBucks.

It's Time for the Texas Rangers

Until last night, the Texas Rangers (fka the Washington Senators) had never won a playoff series - not even close.  In their three previous post-season appearances, they had compiled an anemic 1-9 record, playing all ten games against the New York Yankees, undoubtedly the most revered/hated team in all of baseball.  But last night in St. Petersburg, as Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder B.J. Upton's pop-fly final out hung in the air above the eagerly awaiting (grinning?) Texas Ranger shortstop Elvis Andrus, the Rangers Nation (i.e. the players, manager, coaches, new owners, and long-suffering fans) felt a huge weight being lifted from their shoulders.  And in that same moment, at least for this fan, came the realization that the Rangers have the chance to get some sweet revenge against the Yankees, and even more importantly - earn the respect of Baseballdom by representing the American League in the World Series.  If that happens, it will not only allow me to cross off one of my Bucket List items, but also give hope to all the underdogs who work long and hard to achieve lofty goals, just to see their efforts always fall short of the perennial champions.

LET'S GO RANGERS!

UPDATE (10/25/10):  The Rangers got their revenge in convincing style, out-hitting, out-pitching and out-running the Yankees, winning the ALCS in 6 games.  I now own 4 tickets to Game 3 of the World Series in Arlington - Section 215, Row 8, Seats 5-8.  Look for me and 3 boys on TV holding a sign that reads "ALDS Tickets....$100, ALCS Tickets....$150, World Series Tickets....$200, Re-signing Cliff Lee....PRICELESS" -rdj

UPDATE (10/31/10):  We were witnesses to the first ever Texas Rangers World Series victory in the Rangers Ballpark in Arlington.  Tom, John and Taylor were all smiles (see picture above right) after the Rangers took a 4-0 lead in the 5th inning via home runs by Moreland and Hamilton.  Final score - Rangers 4, Giants 2, Bucket List -1. -rdj

UPDATE (11/1/10):  Good thing we had tickets to Game 3.  The Giants pitching staff dominated the Rangers, limiting them to a dismal .190 batting average for the 5-game series.  At least now the Rangers are in the World Series Club, and there's only 150 days until Opening Day when they host the Boston Red Sox April 1, 2011.  Hopefully the majority of their current roster will be on hand, including ace pitcher Cliff Lee who is now a free agent and a hot commodity, especially for the %$@! Yankees. -rdj

Remember The Alamo, Pearl Harbor and 9/11

As a Texan and an American, I cannot help but feel anger, sorrow, pride and resolve when I consider these three moments in history.  The attackers - dictators, empire-builders and fanatics - won the battles, but did not and will not win the wars.  The heros of these events did not die in vain.  Texas is now the greatest state in the greatest nation in the world (no apologies for my prejudice) and those who attempt to take away our freedoms by terrorist acts can look forward to living in holes, fearing the sky and certain defeat.  We Texans and Americans do not shy away from the sacrifices required to sustain our way of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.  God bless Texas, America and the men and women of our military who stand between us and our foes.